Saturday, June 04, 2005

Bitter with Baggage Seeks Something Entirely Different

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive." ~Harold Whitman

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes me come alive. Anger can be the greatest motivator. I’m feeling my “Calvary Road Rage” again. God and I are not on speaking terms (and He knows why). He is not my friend at the moment; He is the enemy and I’m pissed off. I guess anger is somewhat of my comfort zone. Anger does not make me come alive. Woe to my horribly plagued life and me! Ok, so maybe it’s validating to be angry and to curse this life, but here’s my bottom line: if you don’t confront that which terrifies you, you will never come alive. I think anger stems from a deep-seated fear within me, or rather, four hundred thousand deep-seated fears. I am afraid of failure, of vulnerability, of pain. Anger kills the fear…and everything else in my life. How then, do I push past the anger to make myself come alive?

Life will take me where I don’t want to go. I will enjoy the ride.
I will meet people I don’t like. I will find something good in them and celebrate it.
I will fall flat on my face from time to time. I will get back up.
People I love will not always love me back. I will love myself.
I will take 2nd place, 3rd and sometimes last. I will congratulate those who went before me.
I will gain weight, lose it, and gain it back. I will never be accused of being predictable.
I will be afraid of change. I will change.
I will forget all of the above quite often. I will remind myself to remember.
I will make a million bad decisions. I will make one good one…I will trust God (even when I'm mad at Him).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow! God can contain even our !!anger!!

God's desire is the 'truth in our inward part', right? ... even if that truth is ..."I hate you God...!!!"

The color red is often a painters choice in portraying anger. Red-HOT anger... Grrrrr !!! (F-in! Blazin! Son-of-a-motha!!! &*@!!^@%%!! -well u get it...)

Doesn't Jesus want us to be HOT or cold? There is such a lukewarmness that goes along with passive anger and "lifting our praises" to God. Doesn't that kinda turn your stomach? Are they praises? Aren't they often dishonest lame efforts to sooth ourselves; masking the seething, stuffed rage inside...

Anger, I believe, is also about passion! We get angry most often at the people we love. Anger, I believe, can be a sure sign of love and passion...
Of course I'm not suggesting that we should stay in this emotion any longer than we need to. God will lead us then to our hurt, fear, pain... - and cry with us.

Lastly, I think mostly we (I) don't like anger because it's one of the loudest emotions that screams and hollers, " out of control...!!!" (this reality sucks) To lie about our 'inward parts' (deny our emotions) anger, hurt, pain, fear... is trying to tell ourselves, others, and God - "...i'm in control, see no emotion..." oh, and, "...praise you Lord..." It's all about being in control - right?

-yeah, I think now God is angry!!